The Sandwich Man Can't

Near to where I live there is a co-op grocery store. In their deli/cafe sector one can purchase all manner of ethnic cuisine by the pound. They also make sandwiches. I've been a big fan of their sandwiches for going on six years. Alas, hard times have hit us all, and the co-op has had to raise the price of their sandwiches yet again.

It didn't bother me when the price rose from five dollars to five fifty, nor when it went from five fifty to six. This time it went from six dollars to seven. Pretty steep considering I could go to Subway and pay two dollars less. Ah, but Subway's bread is vastly inferior, consisting of air-puffed, half-cooked dough, whereas the co-op uses fat, dense rolls. Their cheese selection is also much greater, and I can pretend the salami sandwich made using locally grown vegetables is somehow healthier than the salami sandwich made with some kind of sneaky out of town vegetables.

Normally this particular price increase wouldn't bother me either, except that it only applies to sandwiches with meat. They're charging an extra dollar for meat on a sandwich. Insanity, I know. Oh, they'll still let you enjoy your evil non-vegan cow slavery cheese, but meat, the whole POINT of a sandwich, that's gonna be an extra dollar for omnivore tax.

"Very well," I said to myself when the price increased. "I shall get tofu instead and salt the fuck out of that bastard so I can pretend I'm getting meat. Ha HA! That extra dollar is MINE!"

No, I have no problem with tofu. I can already hear people going, "EEEEEEEEW! It's made from BEANS!" Christ, people. I wonder how most of you would survive visiting a foreign country if you can't get over something as harmless as freaking tofu.

Several times my tofu plan worked out just fine. Six bucks as per usual. Then I went in yesterday. I looked at the sticker on the sandwich wrapper, saw the horrible mistake the sandwich maker had made in charging me seven dollars, and pointed out to her the error.

The sandwich order forms handily indicate items which will cost extra. For example, cucumbers and olives each raise the cost. They also explain that extra meat, cheese or tofu raise the cost. So I told the sandwich lady that I was not getting EXTRA tofu, or tofu in addition to meat, I was just getting tofu. I also told her how I had been charged six dollars in the past.

"Oh, but tofu is extra," she said.

"But it says additional tofu is a dollar," I told her.

"This is how we're supposed to be charging."

I did not point out that by her logic getting one meat filling on a seven dollar meat-filled sandwich would cost eight dollars because it costs more for extra meat. By this time she had given me the angry customer discount and I wanted to fuck off from there. I also did not point out that, in the future, for seven fifty I can get a sandwich with meat, all the veggies I please (olives and cucumbers included), a soda, and two cookies at the Subway which is both closer to walk to and less busy.